Yesterday, K woke up with GG Del on his mind and heart. He has mentioned her a few times in the past few weeks but yesterday was different. You can imagine my surprise when we were on our way to church and out of the blue, K said to me "Mommy, I miss GG Del and I want to go and see her"! I always just tell him our belief that we will see her again in heaven someday. This answer usually satisfy him however, yesterday it did not. He kept asking all sorts of questions all the way to church about GG Del and then in a very sad voice he told me how much he misses her. I told him that we all miss her so much and then it happened. The light switch of my emotions was turned on and the tears and sadness took over. I quietly cried through church yesterday and then after I had that sad ache in my belly all day. My saving grace was that I spent the day with Jon on a home project and this kept us busy all day long.
This is not the first time that I have lost someone that was close but this is the first time that I have lost someone that was such a BIG part of our lives. I know that grief can take a long time to to process. I know that I will ALWAYS miss GG Del and that we all have an empty place in our hearts with her gone. I just wonder at what point my emotions will be easier to control than at the"light switch" level.
Tonight as we were driving home from Grandma Mary's house, GG Del came up again. A, E, & K were all tuned into the conversation this time. K started in again about how sad he is and how he wants to go to heaven to see GG. Ella pipes up and says "K, stop talking like that, I don't like that talk" and then anytime after that if K said something she kept shouting for him to stop. So at this point, I told everyone that if they miss GG so much they can just talk to her. So we all took turns talking to GG and telling her all about our Christmas and everything else that we have going on in our lives. I then said that maybe GG will give us a sign that she can hear us. What I thought was interesting was that A said to me, "GG will come see us at night when we are sleeping". To which I replied "how do you know that have you seen her"? A said "No but I just know she comes at night when we are sleeping". Interesting perceptions for a 4 yr old. I do hope that GG Del is watching over all of us from heaven and peaking in on us at night.
If anything this is a great reminder that I am not the only one grieving GG Del. We are all grieving her. These kids are amazing and strong and for that I am grateful.